The Waiting Page 2

  Most likely it was both.

  The PA announced that visiting hours would be ending in fifteen minutes. Brian tucked the blanket around Cassandra and smoothed the hair from her face. He inspected the drains and IVs to make sure everything was in place. He couldn’t leave without knowing that everything was as it should be.

  He turned when he heard someone walk in the room.

  “Dr. Stepka. Making the late rounds?” he said.

  Cassandra’s primary physician had been her doctor since she was seven and told Brian on more than one occasion that he considered her more than a patient. She was like a granddaughter to him. Dr. Stepka was a broad man with a wide boxer’s nose and thick yet delicate hands. His graying hair was in need of a trim.

  “I was home, eating one of those prepared meals from the supermarket when I got the urge to come here. How has she been today? Any improvement?”

  Brian shook his head. “Nothing. She woke up around three, but it didn’t last long.”

  Dr. Stepka sat on the edge of her bed and consulted her chart. Both men were quiet, lost in their frustration and grief.

  Brian was putting away the things he’d brought with him—a newspaper, a Jack Ketchum paperback, a pile of forms he had to complete for his insurance company—when he heard the doctor quietly sobbing.

  “I’m sorry, Brian. Please, forgive me. There are nights I can’t sleep, wondering what more I can do, who else I can bring in. As a doctor, you learn early on that you can’t cure everyone. You try and try, but sometimes fate takes matters into its own hands.”

  He pushed his glasses atop his forehead and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

  Brian didn’t know what to say. Watching Dr. Stepka break down was more than he could handle. He stood opposite the doctor, numb.

  Does he know she’s going to die? he thought. How long do I have left with her?

  “Cassandra’s strong,” Dr. Stepka said. “She’s always been a tough kid. That’s what will bring her back.”

  “I know,” Brian replied. It was a struggle to speak past a whisper. He felt his own tears building, but he refused to let them come. If Cassandra could hear him, he wanted her to know he was strong, that he wasn’t giving in to despair. He had to feed his strength into her, just like the machines fed nutrients and medicine into her body.

  The doctor placed a fatherly hand on her blanketed leg and composed himself.

  An idea had been circling around Brian’s brain for the past couple of weeks. He figured now was as good a time as any to broach the subject.

  “I want to take her home,” he blurted. “To our house, the one we picked out together. I want to get her out of this hospital. If she’s going to get better anywhere, it has to be there.”

  Dr. Stepka sighed, and their gazes locked for what seemed hours, though could only have been seconds.

  He nodded. “I think you should. She belongs with you, in your home. All we’re doing here is providing a bed and changing IV bags. Yes, at this point, I think that’s best. She’ll need nursing care and someone to be with her 24 hours a day.”

  Brian’s body felt limp with relief.

  “I’ll take care of everything,” he said. He wasn’t sure how, but he’d damn sure move heaven and earth to make it happen.

  The doctor rose and shook his hand. “I don’t doubt that for a second. Save our girl, Brian. I know you can do it.”

  Chapter Four

  Brian pulled his car behind the ambulette and was waiting outside the rear double doors before the attendants came out. Fall had come early and crisp leaves whirled around the street in tiny eddies.

  Cassandra’s stretcher was removed with little fuss and great care. She hadn’t stirred since they had prepped her for the journey home.

  The single, two-story detached house they had bought four months earlier sat on a small plot of land in the Woodlawn section of the Bronx. The front yard was ringed with azalea bushes that had been a beautiful pink and purple when they had put their bid on the house. The cold air and diminishing sun had dulled their vibrancy.

  Brian opened the door and said, “Would you mind if I wheeled her inside? It’s kind of my one chance to carry her over the threshold for the first time.”

  “Yeah, sure,” the burly driver said, stepping aside so Brian could take his place.

  Quite a few windows in the surrounding houses sported parted curtains. Brian was sure this was the spectacle of the day. They would be the talk of the neighborhood.

  He wheeled Cassandra through the living room, past the kitchen and into the back bedroom that they had planned to make a guest room. The master bedroom was upstairs, but he wanted her down here in case there was an emergency and she needed to be taken to the hospital.

  His footsteps echoed across the walls. Every room was littered with unopened boxes and plastic storage containers. The carpets had been a disaster, so he’d ripped them all up with his friend Mickey’s help last Sunday. Ordering new carpets was somewhere on his massive to-do list.

  The attendants wheeled Cassandra’s life support machines behind her. They helped Brian transfer her to the hospital bed he had purchased and checked to make sure the IV tubes were clear and untangled and the port in her chest was connected.

  “The nurse will be here in just a few minutes,” the driver said. “She’ll show you everything you need to do.”

  “Thank you.” Brian said.

  The men left and the house fell into a deep silence. He still had to get furniture for the place. His sole priority had been Cassandra. The back bedroom had her dresser and night table and Hello Kitty lamp she’d had since she was a kid. His bed was a blow-up mattress that was still in a box by her dresser.

  The bell rang ten minutes later. An attractive, petite Indian woman extended her hand when he opened the door.

  “Hello, I’m Louisa Gupta. I’ll be your wife’s home nurse.”

  Her smile gave him an odd sort of comfort and he led her inside. “My name’s Brian. Cassandra’s doctor said you have a lot to show me.”

  She had a black messenger bag over her shoulder that she removed along with her jacket. She looked for a surface to place them and Brian said, “As you can see, I have a lot of work to do. We were supposed to nest, that’s what Cass called it, together. We’d gotten as far as picking out paint when, well, when she got sick.”

  Louisa shivered and put her jacket back on. She smiled again. “Believe me, I understand. If you’re smart, you’ll wait until she’s better before you decorate. Now, where is our patient?”

  Brian motioned to the back of the house. “Right down there. Would you like a drink? I have bottled water and bottled water.”

  Louisa removed two clear bags that were filled with a thick, milky fluid. “I’m fine, thank you. Would you mind putting one of these in your refrigerator? This will be tomorrow’s supply. We’ll use the other one now so I can show you how to hook it up.”

  When they entered the bedroom, Brian noticed that Cassandra had turned onto her side in her sleep. She had rarely moved in the hospital. He prayed it was a sign that he had done the right thing in bringing her home.

  “Help me move her onto her back,” Louisa said. Her voice was soft, gentle, as light as her touch as she guided his wife into a better position. “It’s best to keep her this way so she doesn’t lean onto the drains. The last thing we want is for the tubes to pinch and stop the flow.”

  Brian pulled a small notepad out of his back pocket and wrote it down. “I’m ready to learn,” he said, waving the pad.

  “Good.” The nurse looked at Cassandra’s pale, placid face. “She’s a very beautiful woman. Between the two of us, we’ll get her back on her feet.”

  The calm confidence the nurse exuded was infectious. For the first time in months, Brian’s chest felt lighter. The crushing weight of impending tragedy had been lessened by several pounds.

  “Now, let’s clean out the port in her chest,” Louisa said.

  Thunk.


  The noise came from the room above their heads. It was followed by two smaller, shuffling sounds. Louisa paused, holding the collar of Cassandra’s gown.

  “Something must have fallen. I’ve kind of thrown everything around the house. I haven’t had time to unpack most of our stuff.”

  She nodded, but a cloud of doubt flashed behind her eyes. It was gone before he could comment.

  Louisa said, “Tonight, you watch me. When I come back tomorrow, I’ll help you do it.” She pulled the wrapping from a fresh needle and punctured it into a tiny bottle. “This is heparin. I use this to clean the port. After this, I’ll attach fresh tubing into the IV bag and thread it into the infusion pump. It’s very important that you make sure there’s no air in any of the lines.”

  Brian watched her every move, scribbled what she said as fast as he could. Now he knew what laser focus meant.

  It took all of ten minutes, and when she was done she asked, “Are you certified for CPR?”

  He ran his hand through his hair and said, “Back when I was a lifeguard in high school. It’s been a while.”

  She placed her bag onto the kitchen counter. “I’ll review the basics with you, but it’s also a good idea to take the course. The more you know, the more in control you’ll feel.”

  When she left fifteen minutes later, he had to admit that he did feel like he had a better handle on things. He was still terrified of the thought of being in charge of Cassandra’s life support, but like baseball, practice would make perfect.

  Only in this case, one strike was all he was allowed.

  He watched Louisa’s car pull out of the driveway. The steady, whirring drone of the infusion pump kept him company while he looked for the air pump for his bed.

  Chapter Five

  The doorbell rang, pulling Brian from a deep, dreamless sleep. The air mattress protested with deep groans as he maneuvered himself onto the floor. He touched Cassandra’s hand with his fingertips in passing and jogged to the door.

  Alice Torre stood on the doorstep, surrounded by matching maroon Samsonite luggage.

  “How’s my favorite MIL?” he asked, kissing her on the cheek and grabbing her bags. “You sure you left anything behind? How the heck did you get these out of the car?”

  “You forget I used to work in a bakery. Twenty years of lugging sacks of flour and sugar make you strong.”

  Brian asked, “Do you want me to show you your room, or do you want to see Cassandra first?”

  She pointed down the hallway. “I can hear her machine. I think I’ll let her know I’m here.”

  He concentrated on the larger bag and said, “I’ll bring everything upstairs for you.”

  Her heels clacked on the bare floor. He heard her talk to Cassandra with the same joy and enthusiasm as she would if her daughter were well and able to greet her back. It was comforting. The house had been so quiet the past couple of days.

  “Please don’t tell me you’re sleeping on an air bed,” Alice said when he joined her at Cassandra’s bedside.

  “Just for now. I pretty much spent our furniture money on her hospital bed. It was more than my first car. I can assure you, I have a bed for you upstairs.”

  She placed her hands on his cheeks. “I’ll buy you a bed. You have room for a single in here.”

  “I’m fine. Save your money for the party we’re going to throw when Cassandra gets better.”

  Alice sat by Cassandra’s side and ran her fingers through her daughter’s long, silky hair. “My baby. Now you have your husband and your mom.”

  Brian said, “I can’t thank you enough for moving in. If I don’t get back to work, I could lose my job, and if I lose my insurance, I don’t know what to do.”

  She kissed the tip of Cassandra’s nose and moved off the bed. “There’s no thanking your new MIL. Since her dad passed away, living alone hasn’t been a bed of roses. If I can’t take care of my kids, and that means you, too, what else can I do? I’ll be here until she gets well or you kick me out.”

  He laughed. For a moment, he thought he should give her a hug, but then he pulled back, not sure what to do. He was still learning the ropes of dealing with a mother-in-law.

  She pulled a silver rosary from her pocket and placed it on the rolling IV pole that held the pump. “Every little bit helps,” she said, running her finger down the beads.

  “Come on, I’ll show you the upstairs, then make you the best dinner you’ve had in weeks.”

  Alice arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to cook?”

  “No, but I know a place that delivers amazing Cuban food.”

  As they walked up the stairs, Alice noted how loud their footsteps sounded. “Where are the carpets?”

  “At the dump. Trust me, they probably had more diseases in them than the labs at the Center for Disease Control. I’ll get some installed soon.”

  “At least put something on the walls. This place is an echo chamber.”

  But that’s what Cassandra couldn’t wait to do, he almost said.

  It could wait, everything could wait, until she got up from that bed.

  After dinner, Cassandra’s nurse came to the house to watch how Brian handled the life support machine. Alice liked the nurse right off the bat. What a sweet girl. And she was doubly impressed by her son-in-law, or SIL as she liked to call him, as he connected a fresh bag of the nutrients that kept Cassandra alive and installed the tubing in the pump and her daughter’s chest like he’d been doing it for years. His hands did shake a bit when he flicked the hose to make sure all of the air bubbles were out.

  The nurse, Louisa, said it would be her turn next time around. If she was going to be here to take care of Cassandra, she’d have to learn. She wasn’t sure she could be as brave and secure as Brian, though. She still saw Cassandra as the little girl who used to fall asleep on her lap while they watched Barney. It would be hard injecting life support into her baby.

  After Louisa left, Alice said, “I think I’ll go to my room, settle in and read a bit. I get up early, so you might as well sleep in on your last day before work. I promise I’ll be quiet when I check on Cassie.”

  “Thanks. See you in the morning, MIL.” Brian tied up a black garbage bag and headed for the back door.

  “Good night, SIL.”

  Alice went up the stairs, the wood creaking and protesting with each step. At least no one can sneak around this house. No need for a burglar alarm, she thought.

  She opened her handbag and took out the two books she wanted to get a few pages into before hitting the light. The first was a Tess Gerritsen mystery. That girl could write. The second was her constant companion, the Bible. They all needed the Lord’s help right about now. Brian wasn’t a churchgoer, so she would just have to double her efforts to bring Cassie back from the brink.

  The Bible went on her nightstand and the mystery on her pillow.

  She took a hot shower and changed. Brian had ordered a bed and dresser for her and said it had been delivered just the day before. The wood smelled fresh, new, and the surface shined. It took a while to move everything from her suitcases to the drawers and closet, and when she was finished, she was good and exhausted.

  After stowing her suitcases in the back of the closet, she went to settle into bed. Slippers were kicked off, and she said a silent prayer as she sat on the edge of her bed.

  “Amen,” she whispered, making the sign of the cross.

  As she turned to pick up the mystery book, she pulled back, confused.

  “I could have sworn I put it on the pillow,” she muttered.

  The Bible was still on the night table, alongside a digital clock.

  “Where on earth?” She got out of bed and walked around the room. Maybe it had fallen while she was putting things away. The space under the bed was empty.

  Determined, she checked the bathroom, then the dresser.

  She found it tucked away in her shirt drawer.

  Another example of old timer’s disease. She chuckled. She settled back i
nto bed and read until her eyes were too heavy to stay open.

  Chapter Six

  The first day back at work was difficult. Everyone had been warm and sympathetic. Even the kids went out of their way to welcome Brian back and ask how his wife was doing.

  It was hard to concentrate. Running the kids through warm-ups, he thought of Cassandra.

  Getting the JV baseball team into the weight room so they could build up some muscle in the off-season, he thought of Cassandra.

  Even during lunch in the teacher’s lounge, with Mark Runde talking about his sky diving trip that weekend—he was feeling the bite of middle age and fighting back—he thought of Cassandra.

  By the end of the day, for the first time since he’d started working in the school, he resented it. The sight of the sprawling building, the pencil lead and bleach smell of the hallways, the cacophony of a thousand teens shuffling to their classes, all added to a growing grudge against a world that made him have to come to this place just so he could keep his wife alive.

  He should be with her, not here pretending everything was okay and that he cared whether Tommy Sapeda did all of his required push-ups.

  He knew today wasn’t going to be easy. He didn’t anticipate such anger.

  It’s not the school’s fault and don’t take it out on the kids. Cassandra is in good hands. You’ll see her soon.

  The bell rang for seventh period and he forced a smile as a swarm of sophomores streamed into the gym.

  Alice found a box marked dishes and set about washing them and putting them in the kitchen cabinets. She did the same with the glasses and coffee cups. She sensed that if she left it up to Brian, they would have stayed in those boxes until Cassie got up to do it herself.

  It wasn’t that he was lazy. He was in a holding pattern.

  She didn’t blame him one ounce.

  Cassie snored in the next room and she went in to check on her. Her mouth hung open slightly and one hand was balled into a fist. Alice stroked her hair.

  “Are you having a nightmare, honey?”